How to impress a pacifist that force can be needed
1) Approach the pacifist shouting that there should be no
retaliation. Engage in conversation; ask if military force
is appropriate. When he says No, ask, why
2) Wait until he answers to the effect that, Because military
force would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be
awful; we should not cause more violence.
3) When hes in mid-sentence, punch him in the stomach
as hard as you can. When he gets back up to punch you, point
out that it would be contrary to his values to strike you, that
it would be awful, and that he should not
cause more violence.
4) Wait until he agrees and has pledged not to commit additional
5) Punch him again, harder this time. Repeat steps 3 through
5 until he understands that sometimes its necessary to
AT&T fired its President, John Walter, after he had served
only nine months. Their reason: he did not provide intelligent
Walker received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it
was not he who lacked intelligence.
With a little help from our friends
Police in Oakland, Calif. spent two hours attempting to subdue
a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing
10 tear gas canisters, officers discovered the man standing
beside them in the police line shouting, Please come out
and give yourself up.
The American way of war
The U.S. Air Forces new weapon to root out Tailban supporters
hiding in caves is a bomb specially designed to penetrate several
feet of rock and earth before exploding. One side-effect of
this weapon is that it creates a new cave.
What was plan b?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist
and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines.
At each, the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his
own bank accounts.
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all
the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself
for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Did I say that?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who
just couldnt control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, Give
me all your money, or Ill shoot, the suspect shouted,
Thats not what I said!
Are we communicating?
The man on the phone spoke frantically: My wife is pregnant.
Her contractions are only two minutes apart!
Is this her first child? the doctor asked.
No! the man shouted, This is her husband!
Not the sharpest tool in the shed!
In Modesto, Calif. Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used
a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
Last summer, on Lake Isabella in the high desert an hour east
of Bakersfield, Calif. some folks new to boating couldnt
get their brand new 22-foot Bayliner to perform. It wouldnt
speed up at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver,
no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking
someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the outboard drive went up and
down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. Finally, a marina
worker jumped into the water to check underneath. The employee
resurfaced choking on water because he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.