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Useful expressions for high stress days
compiled by David J. Raymond
1. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
2. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
4. I’m already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
5. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
6. Not the brightest crayon in the box are we?
7. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
8. Please be quiet. I can’t hear the voices in my head.
9. The fact that no one understands you does not mean you’re an artist.
10. This is no office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
11. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
12. Somewhere, there is a village missing an idiot.
13. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
14. Therapy is expensive; popping bubble wrap is cheap. You decide.
15. You! Off my planet!
16. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
17. I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.
18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
19. Your prospects? Does the word “chum” ring a bell?
20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
22. And your crybaby, whinny opinion would be?
23. I’m not crazy. I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
24. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
25. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
26. Shhh...I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
27. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
28. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
29. I can’t remember: Am I the good twin?
30. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
31. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door No. 2?
32. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
33. Don’t argue with me. Just smile and say “Yes, Mistress.”
34. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
35. Earth is full. Go home.
36. Is it time for your medication or mine?
37. Aw...did I step on your poor little ego?
38. I plead contemporary insanity.
39. How do I set a laser printer on stun?
40. When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.


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