According to the ancient adage, “knowledge is power.” To
this end, the following is intended to enable male readers
to spot those key words and phrases women use to show their
displeasure, thus helping both sexes to avoid those pointless
little arguments that usually leave men wondering what just
“Fine” – This is the word that women often use near the
end of any argument to express that she is right and that
the man needs to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe another
woman’s appearance. This will cause one of those arguments.
“Five minutes” – This is half an hour. It is an even trade
with its equivalent, the five minutes that a football game
is going to last before the male in a relationship will, as
agreed, take out the trash.
“Nothing” – is rarely that. Rather, it is a warning a woman
gives just before she turns a man inside out, upside down,
“Nothing” usually begins an argument that will last “five
minutes” and will probably end with the word “Fine.”
“Whatever” – See “Nothing.”
“Go ahead” (with raised eyebrows) – This is a dare that,
if taken, will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing”
and an argument that will end with the word “Fine.”
“Go ahead” (normal eyebrows) – This is a woman’s way of saying
“I give up” or “do what you want, because I don’t care.” It
is usually followed by (in order): “Go Ahead” (with raised
eyebrows), “Nothing,” “Fine,” and resumption of the conversation
in about “Five Minutes”.
“Sigh” (loud) – Not actually a word, but often a verbal statement
very much misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks
you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting
her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing.”
“Sigh” (soft) – Again, not a word, but a verbal statement.
“Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually
understand. The woman is content. If the man neither moves
nor breathes, the chances are good that she will stay content.
“That’s OK”– One of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. “That’s OK” means that the woman wants
to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever
it was that you did. “That’s OK” is often used in conjunction
with “Fine” and accompanied by the raised eyebrow version
of “Go Ahead.” Recommended action on receipt of this combination
of words and expressions: hasty flight or serious groveling.
“Please do” – Similar to “Nothing” or “Whatever,” except
that this gives the man the opportunity to reconsider the
excuse or reason being offered to explain whatever it is that
he has done. This should be seen as a chance to tell the truth
and thus avoid getting a “That’s OK.”
“Thanks” – This means exactly that: gratitude. Do not faint.
Just say “You’re welcome.”
“Thanks a lot” – Very different from “Thanks.” A woman saying
this is really ticked off. It could be followed by the “Loud
Sigh,” but be warned that any attempt to inquire at this point
will probably be met by “Nothing.”