Sections

Top Stories
Front Page
News
Student Life
Science & Environment
Arts & Entertainment

Etcetera
Opinion
People & Places
Lifestyles
Sports 

Information

ASHPU
HPU Clubs

Sports

Baseball
Basketball
Cross Country
Softball
Tennis
Volleyball

Hot Links
HPU
Kalamalama Home

What not to put on a resume

by Ddavid J. Raymond, Opinion edtitor emeritus

   

Personal: “I’m married with nine children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”

“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

Qualifications: “I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”

“I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”

“Number of dependents: 40. Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”

RESUME BLOOPERS
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”

“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.”

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES
”While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”

“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES
Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES
“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

PERSONAL INTERESTS
“Donating blood: 14 gallons so far.”

 

 

 

 

 

©2002, Kalamalama, the HPU Student Newspaper. All rights reserved.
 
This site is maintained by Johan Astrom
Web site done by Rick Bernico