Remember, once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

If it weren’t for STRESS I’d have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Everyone has a photographic memory.

Some just don’t have any film.

I always know God won’t give me more than I can handle, but there are times I wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

If the shoe fits......buy a pair in every color.

Never be too open minded; your brains could fall out.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

Men are from earth. So are women. Deal with it.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of waist change places.

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

If Walmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.