He selflessly devoted his life
to service in schools, hospitals, homes, and factories helping
get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades,
petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power
Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued
lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the
gets the worm, and the fact that life isn’t always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (for
example, don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting
strategies (the adults are in charge). He survived the Industrial
Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution,
and a number of cultural and educational trends including body
piercing, whole language, and the “new math,” but
was weakened by new curriculums that removed such “dead
white men” from the classroom as Plato, Aristotle, and
His health further declined when he became infected with the “if-it-only-helps-one-person-it’s-worth-it” virus.
In recent decades, his waning strength proved no match for
the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking
lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly
implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate,
a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch,
a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened
His health declined even further when schools had to get
parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but
could not inform
the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses,
received better treatment than victims, and federal judges
noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional
sports. When people, too stupid to realize that a streaming
hot coffee was hot were awarded a huge settlements, Common
threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic
but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable
such as those controlling low-flow toilets, rocking chairs,
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth
and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son Reason. He is survived by two-step-siblings:
and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
that Common Sense was gone.