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The death of Common Sense

by Forwarded by Jaclynn Fasken, business manager

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life around the world, but died recently in the United States. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.
 

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, and factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and the fact that life isn’t always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (for example, don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge). He survived the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, and a number of cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and the “new math,” but was weakened by new curriculums that removed such “dead white men” from the classroom as Plato, Aristotle, and William Shakespeare.

His health further declined when he became infected with the “if-it-only-helps-one-person-it’s-worth-it” virus. In recent decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations.

He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

His health declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. When people, too stupid to realize that a streaming cup of hot coffee was hot were awarded a huge settlements, Common Sense threw in the towel.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those controlling low-flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son Reason. He is survived by two-step-siblings: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized that Common Sense was gone.

 

2003, Kalamalama, the HPU Student Newspaper. All rights reserved.
 
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