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Things not to do at a Lord of the Rings screening

forwarded by David J. Raymond

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, “Wait...where the hell is Harry Potter?”

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

3. Come out of the movie muttering loudly, “Lucas could have done it better.”


4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: “The Ring.”

5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.

6. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

7. Finish off every one of Elrond’s lines with “Mr. Anderson.”

8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs and sing, “And I did it.... MY way...!”

9. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone’s finger and fall down the stairs.

10. Dress up as old ladies and reenact “The Battle of Helms Deep” Monty Python style.

11. When Denethor lights the fire, shout “Barbecue!”

12. When the ents march to war, stand up and shout “RUN FOREST, RUN!”

13. Every time someone kills an orc, yell: “That’s what I’m Tolkien about!”

14. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, “Where’s Waldo?”

15. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude elf hidden somewhere in the movie.

16. Start an orc sing-a-long.

17. When the Rohirrim cavalry starting riding around the oliphants, starts imitating Luke Skywalker during Empire Strikes Back.

18. Come to the premiere dressed as Dr. Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

19. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for a particularly tense moment and shout, “I see dead people!”

20. Improvise a conversation between Gollum, Dobby, and Yoda.

21. When Shelob the giant spider appears, release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater.

22. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, “Man! Charlotte’s really let herself go!”

23. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.


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