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Dating advice by HPU "experts"

by Las Tres Chicas

Aloha and welcome to the first edition of the new advice column Las Tres Chicas created to help give advice about dating, life at home, at school, even at work.

We are three average students attending HPU, each one of us different in our own way. We don’t have the experience of a seasoned Dear Abby, but we will answer all your questions truthfully and to the best of our ability. We may not have all the answers, but among the three of us, we’ll be sure to figure something out.

   
 

There is no FAQ for dating, no source of reference to understand the desires of the genders. People are unique and that makes love easy to understand only on a case-by-case basis. That’s why we seek the advice of others, to find different perspectives on situations.

That’s also why I am sitting here in The Opium Den on a Thursday night waiting for my girlfriends Marie Claire and Barbarella. Thursday night is the designated night of the week we meet to dissect and understand the mystery of romantic entanglements.

Love is personal, that is true, and it is different for all of us. Love without my girlfriends’ ideas is me and a guy sitting uncomfortably numb across from each other veiled in cigarette smoke defenses. In a sense, they provide the balance I need, both by helping me measure the quintessential intangibles and by leveling out my ideas. I am often told, after all, that my views on love are representative of my name, Emmanuella, literature’s 20th-century equivalent of a clitorally-centered woman. By job description, that may be true, as I spend the evenings I am not exploring my sexuality chronicling my exploits a la Anais Nin.

Barbarella strides in with Marie Claire in tow. Marie Claire regards my martini—extra dirty—and orders herself the usual—a strawberry margarita. Marie Claire is single, too, only she is not in the dating game at all. She wants a steady relationship but fears that her hectic schedule would lead to neglect and resentment. She is waiting for perfection; I’d call it waiting for the Second Coming, but that’s not PC.

If Marie Claire and I are extremes of the relationship spectrum, Barbarella is situated comfortably in the middle. She doesn’t have a steady boyfriend, but her romantic escapades center on the same cast of characters. She stays within boundaries, but she is not afraid to try something new and exciting when the fancy strikes her. Tonight, new and exciting is a vanilla martini.

“ Sorry we’re late,” Marie Claire offers, sitting down all-effervescence. “What’s the gossip?”

“ I think Em has had one of her postcoital epiphanies,” Barbarella says with a not-so-subtle look at the two empty packs of cigarettes on the table.

“ No, it wasn’t one of those,” I tell them, “I have just discovered a double standard in my otherwise infallible relationship modus operandi.”

“ What happened?”

“ I got extremely upset when Joe went to work this morning and didn’t stay for breakfast.”

“ He works, you know that, what’s the problem?”

“ I have been telling him I don’t want a serious relationship for weeks now. Now it’s almost as though I subconsciously want him to stay around all day, call me all the time, e-mail me just because. It’s almost as though I secretly want him as a boyfriend.”

“ What’s wrong with that?” asks Marie Claire. “Maybe you like him. Heaven forbid you actually respect a man you’re sleeping with and want him to commit.”

“ I don’t want a boyfriend; I don’t think.”

“ Why is it we always say that and always invariably end up wanting more?” asked Barbarella.

Finishing off my martini, I realize Barbarella has hit on something universal. As different as all relationships may be, there are some things to which we can all relate, and one of these things is the silly little dance of advances and retreats we all do when we date.

“ Perhaps before you can understand why we do what we do, we have to understand what it is we want. What do you really want?”

E-mail your questions to Kalamalama@hpu.edu.

 

2004, Kalamalama, the HPU Student Newspaper. All rights reserved.
 
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