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Crazy Driver: A car's perspective

by Rose McKenney, associate News editor

As the sun begins to set, the sky becomes a dark, blue mess, and there is nothing but silence all around. My owner’s kid decides to go for a little joy ride. With him behind the wheel, I can hit someone any time, anywhere, and always most inconveniently.

After a bad day at work, the kid is using me to release his day-long, pent-up anger. Driving me isn’t the best method of anger management, but the kid and his dad use me all the time for that purpose.


Tonight, we rarely get out of our neighborhood without hitting at least one mailbox, but I hit seven mailboxes and almost flattened a stray cat. I had no control, and the kid has obviously never heard of brakes.

We turn sharply onto the Pali Highway, a rash decision that almost took the heads off two passing nuns. I could see them from the rear view mirror; they didn’t look too happy. The kid made a turn, because he didn’t want to stop at the red light. As usual he didn’t turn on my turn signals, so I had no way of informing those around me of his intentions.

Why don’t most Hawai‘i drivers use their turn signals? It would save money, time, and emotions, but most drivers wait until the last minute, then make a swift turn, and hope they don’t get caught. My owner and his kid are the worst.

A few minutes later, on Kamehameha Highway we pull up behind another car. The poor thing had to be at least 50 years old. She’s not going the speed limit, and I don’t want to run her off the road. The kid driving me yells out the window, “Hurry up lady, we don’t have all day!”

I feel my gas pedal being slammed down. Suddenly, I’m bumper-to-bumper with the car in front of me. I want to stop, but I can’t. Soon, the kid pushes hard on my horn, and flips his finger out the window. We pass the old car soon afterwards, but not before just barely hitting an upcoming truck in the next lane. I guess the kid forgot that we are on a two-way street. Luckily, we made it in one piece.

Later, still on Kamehameha Highway, as he’s doing the usual amount of swerving in and out between cars and lanes, I see red lights approaching from behind. Figuring that I should stop, I find that I do not. I speed up faster and faster. The lights get closer, but I do not slow down. Why aren’t I stopping?

I turn onto a one way street and almost sideswipe a parked car. Oh my, I think that was my cousin.

We make one turn after another, going through allys and down side streets. Finally, we make it safely back to Kamehameha Highway.

I think we lost them. I look behind me, and to my knowledge, we are alone. So, I drive back home, and park in the garage.

As the garage door shuts, I think: tonight wasn’t as bad as last night.


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